Out of rehab just one week and she gets blitzed and decides to chase an ex-employee around SoCal. Then she valiantly tries the “I wasn’t driving” excuse, which as we all know is just a variation of the universally tired “it’s not mine” excuse, which is itself an even more exhausted version of the “you started it” excuse. Hey Lindsay, SHUT UP!

Call Britney or Paris for a ride home next time. Oh, that’s right, in rehab and doing time. I think Nicole Ritch…, oops. Rehab. Olsen twins? Are they still alive, or what? I think the last I heard, one was a coke head and the other was trying to get down to her birth weight, or maybe that was the same one. It’s so confusing. Do these chicks blog? Can I get a feed so I’m up to date and don’t have a senior moment mid sentence. Wait, I know. Robert Downey Jr. Sober and a sponsor! There you go. Oh, that’s right. Same sex sponsors are suggested. Got it! Mackenzie Phillips. Alena Lodge grad and still on the wagon (I think. I’ll confirm and get back to you).

Stick with the winners sweetheart and you’ll be fine. Stay with the whiners and you’ve got a long road ahead. Trust me, I know.