Well, OJ Simpson has been out singlehandedly keeping Las Vegas safer for us all and for that he should be applauded. I guess the story (or more accurately, his story) is that some perps stole some “sports memorabilia” from him so he decided to send the call out to his “peeps” to get his stuff back. Guns in hand, they broke in to a hotel room and held the alleged robbers at gunpoint with threats and (gasp) swear words. I guess he was just doing what any normal person in his situation was doing – getting his shit back.

Just one minor detail that our hero apparently didn’t think of – YOU CAN’T TAKE THE LAW INTO YOUR OWN HANDS. Sorry Juice. Ya just can’t go do that stuff.

Now we all know that O.J. has been devoting the dozen or so years since his acquittal on double murder charges to find the real killers. He has apparently narrowed down his search to golf courses, mainly in Florida. This Vegas twist is new however. He must have gotten a tip that the “real killer(s)” were possibly in Vegas. I mean, there’s really no other explanation for him being there. He did say right after his acquittal that he was going to devote the rest of his life to finding those elusive real killers even if it meant going single-handedly into the seedy underbelly of the golf world, which is obviously exactly where the search has taken him. Brave man.

Let’s just hope cooler heads prevail in this latest misunderstanding and OJ can again be a free man again. We need people like him out there keeping us all safer, I know I woke up this morning just that little bit more on edge with the knowledge that there was one less citizen cop out there protecting us all.

I hope they fly Judge Ito in to take charge of this mess. Now there’s a decisive guy for you. You need a well though out, stand up in appeals court kind of ruling, Ito’s your man. Just give him adequate notice so he can weigh both facts before the coin flip.

O.J., here at Shut-Up, Stop Whining we’re pulling for ya. Whatever help we can be, just ask bro. We’re on the next bus to Vegas.